I sit staring into space, Njeri’s hand in mine. We know it can’t be good news that the doctor sent us out of the room and took her up to the operating room. She had blood poisoning from a failed abortion. I had long lost count of how many she had had. In her time of need she had called on us to be there. I sat there thinking back to how it all started…

We were known as the three musketeers. When you saw one of us, the other two were not far behind. We were inseparable from day one of high school all through to campus. It was no coincidence that we applied to the same university; we didn’t want to be apart. Njeri and Wanja were the sisters I never had.

We left school and hung out together. That one year break before joining campus was party time for Njeri and I. Wanja couldn’t make it since her parents were strict. We hit the clubs raving all night and driving  the guys crazy. It was all fun and games for us, but we missed having Wanja there to experience it with us. When we joined campus, she got the chance to experience it all. She soon became wilder than us, soaking up the party scene.  We tried to talk her out of it and asked her to slow down. But she paid no attention to us, she wanted to make up for the lost time when we partied without her. She took to drinking  and having sex. She was not promiscuous she got herself a boyfriend in fourth year.

Their love spiraled into something serious and they became inseparable. Her boyfriend Jack became part of our clique. Njeri and I didn’t really like him, but for the sake of our friend we tolerated him. Time went by and before we knew it, she was moving in with him. We had been roommates for 2 years and she was breaking up the three musketeers .

A few months after moving in with Jack, Wanja called us for a girls night out. We hit the club set to party the night away and bond over lost time. Before we got to drinking and having fun Wanja said “I have something to tell you. I’m pregnant.”

We sat there not sure what to say. Were we to be happy or sad? We were only in second year, we had 3 years left in campus. We thought about how this baby would affect her studies. Her parents would kill her when they found out.

I asked, “what does Jack say?”

Wanja started crying, “He doesn’t want children. I haven’t told him and I don’t plan on telling him. I’m getting an abortion tomorrow.”

We sat there comforting her and trying to convince her to tell Jack about the pregnancy. To think about the implications of the abortion. But she wouldn’t listen, her mind was made up. We cut short the rave and went back to our hostel to prepare for the next day.

The abortion would cost ten thousand. We pulled our money together and took her to the doctor. Everything went well and this even brought us closer together yet in paradox it started the crack that would break us up. The guilt of what we had down ate us up and we slowly closed each other out of our lives.

Wanja continued to see Jack. At the beginning of third year, she was pregnant again. Jack had broken up with her when he found out. She needed to get rid of the baby to get him back. She came to us and asked for money for a second abortion. Njeri gave her part of it, but I said no. I was feeling too guilty after that first time. I thought she needed to be responsible and having a baby would help her do this. We argued and said hurtful things that day. The little cracks that had started opened up and our friendship ended.

The doctor walking down the corridor snaps me back to the present. He looks sad and disturbed. I know it can’t be good news for him to be back so soon. It’s only been 30 minutes since they took Wanja in for surgery. He walks over to us and tells us what we knew was coming “I’m sorry she didn’t make it”

The words play over and over in my mind as I think back to what we could have done differently. We should not have ended our friendship. If we were friends we would have been there for her. Helped her stop with the abortions. We left her alone when she needed us most. The three musketeers were no more. Njeri and I sit there crying thinking back to the innocent girl we knew before joining campus.She had destroyed herself getting abortions to keep Jack’s love. One question plays in my head as we sit there crying; how will we tell her parents about how their angel came to be crushed?