I’m one of those easily impressionable folks who get influenced by advertising. Forget parents and good morals, ads are the real principle-forming compass. Ha! (I laugh at my own jokes a lot. It’s a mixture of arrogance and…um…anyway, you’ve been warned.) Golly, I love advertisements. There are geniuses behind the jingles, savvy wordsmiths behind the slogans, pure magic behind the production. (Didja see that? Didja? Huh?) And nothing makes me feel as good – for 5 seconds – as a good ad. It can be in my head all day. Annoying, but totally worth it. I very nearly did PR in uni, but I like words too much to be saying them. They need to be caressed, savored, etc. *cue haunting music and a swish of my long, dastardly villain robe*

Many a time have I found myself buying things just because of the advert. I was addicted to Coke so much I had to quit soda for a year, but CAMAAAAAAAAN. There’s a freaking group on Facebook about how it’s not Christmas until you hear the Coca Cola song (you know which. If you don’t, you must live on a. Mars, b. Mars). I don’t even like Christmas (that’s another story) but I was this close || to joining that group. Closer, the symbols have just refused to move on my laptop. But do I say. LOL. #LOVEmeSomeStereotypes But Coke ads? WOW. On POINT like a pencil. A really sharp one. Kwanza the clicky ones.

My point is, a really good ad could probably get you laid several times and install you in a cushy condo right next to the beach in Malibu, then get you a pricey drug habit, THAT YOU CAN AFFORD. And really, isn’t that the life we all secretly want? No? Then why the hell do you watch TV? Ha. Just kidding. Not really. I mean, Real Housewives of Atlanta (which I just got into and good grief, it’s AWFUL for my work ethic) just makes me feel broke. Smart, but broke. That isn’t the way it’s supposed to be, is it? But I keep watching it, because that kind of unfathomable wealth makes you cringe and hope fervently that reincarnation is not a myth, because there is no way you’re going to be spending 14,000 USD on a pink diamond bracelet with the current moths in your wallet…ok, mine…

But I digress. I’m going to share a few of my favorite ads with you. Take my hand. Let’s walk down memory lane, and sing those songs again. *insert cheesy lyric by Kenny Rogers HERE*

1.       Smirnoff. The one for “T-Money! Pooky! Romeo!” (#LOVEmeSomeStereotypes) and the one for the guy in the bar who gets transported to a magical island heaven and then comes. “Mpadadida…esosianto passionalo…ole ole…” I’m SURE those aren’t the words.

2.       I am a chocolate biscuit. Twinkie Twinkie. Pink elephants float through my marmalade. #genius

3.       STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD…KREST…so suave. Rawrr. Which brings me to

4.       Embassy Lights, chick in the red dress. Rawrr.

5.       We can do it…togetheeeeer…and now I’m on top of the world…I’m planning to stay there forever!!! MILO WAS AWESOME.

6.       Biddy Biddy Biddy…HA!!! Are you MENTAL? OF COURSE THIS DIDN’T MAKE IT ON HERE. DUDE. What kind of girl do you take me for?

7.       8,8…up to…8 hours long…

8.       The Lucozade ad for people being formed from bottles. I dunno…I just dig it.

9.       THE DANCING ROBOT ATM. LOL! Mpaka Barclays recycled it. Eish.

10.   Anything, really, by Coke.

11.   The…Nokia one? Where he sings her ringtone and they’re sitting on a bench?

12.   TUSKER EXPORT (deep drumming sound that I can’t phoneticize) OOHLALALAOOHLALALALAOOHLALALAOOHLALALAOOH. (sound again)Tusker Export. Brewed to go with the good times. (sound again) Is that the one they do the shuffle? If not, that one too. And all the Kenya my country Tusker my beer ones.

13.   Michael Power! Yay!

Ok, clearly I can keep going, but I should stop. I should. Yes. DISHONORABLE MENTIONS INCLUDE Biddy and The Ribena Bursting Berry. WTF? Yeah, I want my (purely fictional and probably never-will-exist…ing) kid to know that I support berricide so he can quench his thirst. Ooh, Sprite was awesome too…

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