This statement makes more and more sense to me as time goes by. Women have made themselves a subject of men’s ridicule for a long enough time, and it is sad that we choose to do nothing about it. Women for centuries have been known to hold the household together despite only being liberated in recent years. It is the drive of a woman to see life through; no matter what circumstance she has found herself in and come out on top, that has puzzled me. Through raising children , being the backbone of the man in her life and still finding time to develop herself as a woman she has been able to break all imaginable boundaries. “mwanamke ni kujipanga” is a phrase that has been coined to subconsciously empower women by looking at life in a way that is not usual in the eyes of the ordinary person. It means being a woman is to be organized.

When I first heard this statement I did not think much of it until I took it in a deeper perspective, it may be seen as just being an organized person at a first glance, but true to the word, it is much more than just a read-quick-and-move-forward-statement. I draw from it the meaning that being a woman and in order for life itself to respect you, we need to actually have control of our own destinies and be in the fore front for all matters affecting our immediate lives. Therefore, not allowing secondary matters rampant in today’s society to dictate for us what we will make of our lives. The factors I personally consider a reality and that are most likely to determine a woman’s success:

• A Father
• Education
• Support system
• Career

We underestimate the power of a father in any woman’s life. He serves the purpose of offering

 Attention
 Affection
 Affirmation

Without which any woman is on a path to self destruction. The male dominating figure in a woman’s upbringing allows her to appreciate love from a different angle and also be able to be answerable to authority in a way. Lack of this always leaves a woman looking for love in all the wrong places and having low self worth such that any other outstanding qualities that she may have (aside from being a woman  ) are suppressed. The psychology behind the above is extremely complicated and far from anything I am able to express in this excerpt, but the general appreciation is that male figures throughout a woman’s development and coming into her own plays a major role in how she will eventually turn out to be.

For women to achieve any meaningful socio-economic or political change, they must benefit from the ability to make informed decisions generated from a vantage point of Education. It is so important that we not only go to school and complete the process, but also excel and take it to the highest level possible. We are already at a disadvantage whereby the plight of the girl child for years was just a song sung by many with no accompanied action. Men were already way ahead of us leading in all sorts of industries even more recently those originally associated with women, for example Fashion and the Culinary Arts. It is no longer (and has never been in my sight) trendy to be oblivious and unaware in life, acting “blonde” is nothing but stupid and only gives one a chance to display themselves before a third party as a common idiot. Knowledge, Education, and being Smart are sexy attributes that every woman should be eager to possess.

Just like education, having a support system that works is extremely important mainly because it provides the most conducive environment for the success of a woman. Having an abusive husband/boyfriend, and one who does not support women in their pursuit of happiness, Friends that do not reflect positively in one’s life, children that are demanding and do not support their mother, extended family members that are constantly in the way of the liberation of such women are factors that have dragged down women for a very long time. Yes we are home makers and most of us love it, but at the same time there is more to the woman than just being able to be the one who performs her conjugal rights, gives birth to children and cooks meals for related parties. Let it be known that there are a lot of women who know what they want out of their lives and are not willing to waste their time with unsure parties along their path, in order for us to be able to manage and plan our lives ahead as efficiently as is expected, we need emotional stability, strong will and as clear a conscience as possible. This does not go to say that having these variables means everything will be clear and without challenge hence, contrary to that, there will be far more challenges because of these things and not in spite of them. In a relationship setting, women gain their respect by taking charge of their feelings, actions, their mannerisms even physical attributes; not letting it slide so to speak and also being a leader. I see women allowing themselves to think it is ok to be like a man in all aspects of the word (including the lesbians) the walk, the talk, the attitude and everything else. It is good to be well sure of yourself but not to the extent where it is competition to the men in your life. Womanhood is expensive and we deserve it for all the things we endure in our lives. Value it and embrace it. A woman’s woman is one who is able to maintain a balance of all the above and somehow these things help us gain a strong support base because we become respectable. Think about it.

Our careers are equally as important as any other aspect of our growth, it is a benchmark that goes to show how far we have come and it is the actual fruit of our labour. For women having a career is much more than having a fancy desk to sit in front of every morning and making decisions that will affect employees. It is being able to manage every aspect of your life that includes family, friends, health, work, and spirituality and do them all with love and in love. It is a balanced routine just like a balanced diet, and it distinguishes each woman from the next by how they are able to cope with the pressure exerted from all angles in life. This is the path they choose and dedicate their time to, this is what fulfills any woman and offers gratification in her life. Her career in a way defines her being and purpose and is also a platform for her to surpass expectations, both hers and others.

Wouldn’t we just like to see more self respecting women in our time? Women who have strong values that they believe in, women that put themselves and their needs first before anyone else’s, women that do not go with the flow, women that understand the importance of self development before being able to associate with anybody else. Women who do not travel in packs to scare away/use/attempt to be like men (as a good friend of mine would have it – SKANKS), women that believe in something and have a personal statement and identity, women that know what they want out of life and despite any challenges they may have faced they are not held down looking for sympathy, women that have figured out what they want to do with their lives and will put an end to seeking affirmation from irrelevant parties by always trying to prove a point to the world.

Let it be known what your stand is and make no apologies for it, be brave calculative and inspiring. It just makes you a better person and one that people will love being around!
All love! xx

© achieng ‘chichi’ onguru

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