Loving what I was given was always easy for me
I always took it in
Never thinking or imagining one day
One day I would have to give back
Give back what was forcibly given to me
Through living
I lived in FEAR that one day I would wake up
and find him gone
Gone with some scarlet lettered woman
Who agreed too easily to go down on him
See, coz I never liked to
It was against my faith
and my nature as a prostitute
No kissing and no waylaying
Ha ha that’s a funny word
Its like laying with him but! by the way
But I digress
I was telling you about ANGER
the rage I always felt after he refused to tell me he loved me
when I know he clearly did
the madness that swirled within my chest
when I texted him a smiley when I dint really mean it
forcing myself to hate him when all I wanted was
kiss from his just licked lollipop sucking lips
cherry pin pop flavor, Malibu tasting tongue
At first you think its awesome that your talking again
And then you start talking about how BRANGELINA you guys were
Then you realize how much you miss him
And then you remember how he always smelt like cake
Or baking cookies
How much you miss him
And then you get to thinking you really want him back
but then you remember he doesn’t need you like you need him and
oh! how it hurts
and then I remembered her
the stranger I saw him flirting with
my till then half empty emotionless heart
crammed with distaste
I couldn’t explain it, this flood of unreasonable-ness wasn’t me
I was watching myself get assistance from the towel lady
In the ladies bathroom at club what’s-its-name
I wept on her shoulder
While she explained how HURT is the sensei of pain
She pats me on my face and sends me out into the world
With affirmation and my dignity wrapped up in tissue
She whispers “love is pain, don’t give up”
That got my spirits up because how cliché can my first conversation
With a toilet paper lady be, I chuckled
I loved from then on
I loved him dearly
I loved him because he loved me
He cried for me to love him more
And I did
I loved him even more
Because we had an agreement
Terms and conditions apply!

© ami jasho