I can’t sleep, not like I used to
I can’t breath in and out like I need to,
not after what he did to me,
I was trying to paint a picture of him,
But the colours were all wrong,


Black and white didn’t fit.

He knew how to love without being told,
Was everything I’m not,
without him loneliness felt everlasting
But now I’ve let go,
I was living with his silhouette and not the real him,
He was painted in lies, deception and corrupt thoughts,
That was what she said, I didn’t believe her but now I do,
I caught him. No, them…he and the girl next door…

In my camera lies the evidence I need,
It screws up my insides every time I zoom the image,
I clutch my pillow and bitter hot tears run down my cheeks
And now I know
He always had it on….and I never knew the real lover…..

© Judith Paje