For the longest while i tried to fill the hole that lived inside of me with many things. I would invite my friends over for a day of movies, fun and relaxation and it worked. I mean nothing like a get-together with those that count to lift my spirits. Problem is, it only lasted as long as they were with me.

Then I realised what my problem was! I was not in a relationship… Honestly having someone that loves me, cares for me, calls me, and the works would fill the gaping hole, wouldn’t it? Then I got into a relationship that was bliss at first. I was constantly on my phone, happy, smiling; at least I had someone to talk to when I was down. But it ended, and I got into another one – with a more caring person, which by the way… also ended!

So, happiness was not to be found in people? I resorted to partying and shopping! The thrill, the adrenaline rush was all I needed. And I tried to fill myself with shoes, bags, clothes, the rave. I looked everywhere for answers, but the emptiness kept coming in ebbs and flows.

I was lost. Angry. Disappointed.

Surely, if non of these things could help… the church should, shouldn’t it? And so I started going to church. The music, the preaching, just being there made me happy. And I watched people cry, and I watched people get filled with joy and peace. And it lasted while it lasted. Cause I got home and was alone at the end of the week.

And I cried. Where were the answers? Where was my filling?

(Part 2)