(Continued from here)

I tried. I swear I did! I tried. For all those out there who had their fingers crossed for me, I swear on my fat little toe that I tried. And I come back from this brave little voyage burned! A smoking piece of sweet ass! I got burnt so bad I need to be put in an urn! For those who have no idea what am yapping about, I crashed and BURNED!

Here’s what happened. I decided to start by learning something, or a few things, about my crush. So how does one do this best? By observation of course. So I started observing him closer than usual. I learnt that he likes green. I learnt that he loves taking his food with an amount of salt that usually causes trouble somewhere down the line. I learnt that he is an instigator. That is, he starts trouble then sits back and watches what happens afterwards with a smile on his face, occasionally stoking the fire. Luckily all he instigates are rather interesting arguments. I learnt he hates having the spotlight on him. I learnt he is not a fan of football to the point of being pathetic like many men today. I learnt that he is an observer because as I was observing him, he was observing me and those around me. But by far the most interesting thing I learnt about him was that he has a girlfriend! Oh yeah, girlfriend! Do you feel the burn?

This is usually the part where we ladies get all nasty and start sounding dirtier than the Dandora dumping site while we plot how to get her out of the picture. I will not do that because I feel none of what fuels such behaviour. I am a stupidly happy person. Very few things get me down. I don’t let feelings of the negative nature stay long in me. I kick them out with a careless laugh about absolutely nothing. Seriously, I just laugh. By the time am done, am stupidly happy again. Try it. It definitely beats food, alcohol and shaving her hair off. Besides, how could I not like her? I don’t know her very well, but I know a few things about her. To start with, she is simply and absolutely beautiful. How could I hate a beautiful woman? She smiles a lot for no reason – I like that, especially because I do it too. She has one hell of a dress sense! But mostly, she is a really nice girl. She is also a really lucky girl to have my crash as her man. Feel how badly the burning is?

So now there arise a number of other questions. How the hell did I miss the girl? Did I see her and refuse to believe my eyes? Was I misunderstanding his ‘signals’? Was I seeing what I wanted to see? If I did not mistake the ‘signals’ (which am fairly sure I did not) was he playing some sort of game with me? If he was playing games with me, does he not care for that lovely girl? What does that say about him? Most importantly, why does he still stare at me like that? How on earth do I get this guy out of my head? And why can’t I still look him in the eye? Anyone feel the lemon juice pouring over my burns?

So I’ve been mulling about it in my head over and over again. I have the answers and a few theories, and more questions that I cannot answer. I didn’t miss the girl – she had taken a self imposed break for a couple of weeks. Don’t you just love college? I did not misunderstand his signals, he was interested in me (truth). As a matter of fact, he still is. Otherwise he would not still be staring at me with such smouldering eyes. He would not still look at me as if he was looking into me instead of at me. He would not make people around us start arguing so that he could sit there and watch me. He would also not wait for his girl to leave to start making me absolutely uncomfortable. Oh he’s interested in me. I’m just not sure why (unanswered question). My crush cares for his girl, of this am sure. Otherwise, he is a really good actor. So is he playing games? I think so. I think am a pawn in his little game and so is his lovely girlfriend (theory). What does this say about him? He is a man (perfect answer). Why can’t I still look into his eyes for more than countable seconds? I don’t like what they make me see and feel. His eyes make me uncomfortable because they ask hard questions. And give answers I don’t want to hear. And show me possibilities I am not ready for. And actualities that are down right scary. I don’t like what I see in them. But it also troubles me that MY eyes might be showing him the same things. Otherwise why would he keep looking into them like that? This leads me to more unanswered questions. What the hell is going on here? What is this? Is this more than a college crash or am I blowing things WAY out of proportion?

Now here comes the toughest question. How do I get him out of my head? The doctor in me has the prefect remedy. Prescription number one is to feign ignorance. I will take a daily dose of ‘Ability to Ignore Shit!’ three times a day – or as many times as I deem necessary. I am the doctor after all. Prescription number two is to get friendly with the girlfriend so I’ll have the strength to ignore HER (buuuuurn!) boyfriend. Prescription number three is by far the best and I intend to have a full Coca Cola truck load of fun with it. Seeing as we are breaking from school in the next few days, I am going to go out and have myself a couple of flings! Flings riddled with careless fun! Flings with the headline NSA (No Strings Attached)! Flings packed with a whole lot of NSA sex! So much sex it bores me! Who else likes prescription three as much as I do? By the time we get back to school, I won’t even remember he exists! He will also probably have forgotten all about me.
This is why I prefer crushing on people who do not know I exist and never will. Girl crushes are even better because they never amount to anything but friendship. A good crush is where you both like each other, none of you are attached, you get together, the fire dies down slowly, you agree to break up and remain kind-of-friends. A bad crush is where you both seem to like each other but either one of you is attached or both of you are attached. But by far the worst crush, and thank God this is not what is going on with me-although I can’t be sure, is where one of you has a crush and the other person is right there but has absolutely no interest in you. Ouch. Anyway, am sure my self-prescribed medication will work to treat my burn. If it doesn’t, God help me………

© afra njoki