I have a humongous crush on this really cute guy in school and it’s been going on for a number of weeks now. He is in another school, u know, the way Universities have School of Business, School of Law and so on. Before the crush, I would see him around school and think “Oh, there’s Joe Doe.” Before you ask, Joe or Doe are not his names. Actually I only know his last name, and that’s only because he is famous for his intelligence. Anyway, I never really noticed him before we were sitting across each other in the school library and our eyes met. Now am not one to shy away from a staring match or a flirt game with a stranger, but I could not for the life of my future kids look into his eyes for more than a few seconds. And he would not stop looking at me! I would look up, find him engrossed in his books and then he would sense I was looking and he would look up only for me to shy away from his eyes! Any time I caught him looking, he wouldn’t look away until I did! It’s a scary thing for someone who’s never been scared of people’s eyes. Well, apart from Mum’s eyes when she gives me the ‘what do think you’re doing?’ look all mothers possess. Then I started seeing him everywhere in school- the stairs, the cafeteria, the field, hell I even bumped into him at the bathrooms! And every one of those times he looked, I looked, our eyes held, and then I made my eyes busy with something inconsequential! After that, fate seemed to intervene to make me cringe. A couple of my friends happen to be his friends too. So while hanging out with them he and a bunch of other friends show up. We all became buddy-buddy and I can now say hi to him when we run into each other. BUT I still cannot look into his eyes for more than a few seconds. This troubles me. It also troubles me that he seems to have some sort of interest in me so he just keeps on looking! I have considered my options and came to two conclusions. Either I ignore him and pretend he does not exist, u know, the whole ‘going-cold-on-a-guy-makes-him-loose-interest’ thing, or make him teach me how to make people look away- at least that way, I get to both talk to him and look into his eyes long enough to not have to look away. The ignoring thing wouldn’t work ‘cause am much too much intrigued with him and his eyeing ways and until I work this thing out, there’s no way to ignore him. I have never had a crash this interesting.

Before the library experience, I was having a girl crush. She is a celebrity who is three years younger than me and is making waves in the Hollywood. Her name is Kristen Stewart. I first saw her on one of the best vampire romances ever created, ‘Twilight’. If you are a guy, you have no idea what am talking about. If you are a chick, you probably know what am talking about. If you love Twilight the movie, you are wondering how on earth I noticed Bella while she was standing next to Edward. I didn’t. I noticed Edward and his fiiiiiine brothers and father. So I Googled Robert Pattinson and discovered he was having a secret romance with the lead lady. So I Googled her too. That’s when I fell in love with her! I read an article about how the press kept pestering her about her love life and she told them to ‘Fuck off!’ Her words, not mine! I loved her instantly and started Googling her every now and then. The more I read, the more I liked. The more I liked her, the more I forgot about Robert. You see, before I met Kristen, I was crushing on Robert. I don’t know what it was that kept me crushing on him but I think Edward Cullen had a lot to do with that. I fell for Kristen’s attitude. I am the kind of person who lives my life as I wish. I give little notice to what others may think about me as long as am happy as shit! That’s how I came to experience marijuana or ‘liberty’ as it known among the more ‘refined’ users. Anyway my girl crush occurred because she seemed to live her life according what she wanted and not based on the questioning glare of the those with nothing better to do except poke their noses into other people’s lives. She remains my girl crush.

Before Edward I was pathetically hooked on a nine year old cartoon character. In admitting this I don’t know whether I am admitting to anything morally wrong or unacceptable. I don’t think I am ‘cause the character is after all fictional. Anyway, the point is that I could not for the life of me seem to get enough of Johnny Test! He happens to be the stupidest kid I have seen but, he is extremely funny. And that dog of his! 4 pm on week days would find me propped up in my favourite seat waiting eagerly for Johnny Test to start. I didn’t even mind watching repeat episodes. He made me laugh like a crazy person! I have no memory of who I was crushing on before Johnny which means they didn’t leave a mark. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that they were insignificant, it’s just that they don’t impress me much anymore.

So now I am confronted by my current crush. The worst thing about this is that he is not some cartoon or celebrity I will never meet. He is real! He is a live, breathing, in the flesh man. This means our ‘knowledge’ of each other might go further than friendship- if I so wish, he has no say in the matter. He further presents the challenge of how to deal with him if I cannot even look him in the eye, which for me is extremely uncomfortable. It is even more challenging because I have no idea WHY I cannot look into his eyes. If I could, I would probably know why. So until I can, it remains a mystery. Ok, you know what, damn it all to hell! I am going to go find him and tell him I need to do a staring match with him! Good thing am used to doing shit I shouldn’t! Here goes…………

© afra njoki