I went shopping for underwear the other day. I am enjoying my new underwear so much I want to write a love letter to them. I’m one of those people who don’t like clothes. Yes, if I could, I would go about my business completely nude. One of my girlfriends thinks that this is a very good idea and I suspect she would join me. The other girls think it’s ‘cause we have beautiful bodies. I don’t understand why they think that yet they are so hot that billboard models would hate them for being so hot. Anyway, I simply prefer to stay naked ‘cause I find clothes a bother. Just like make up, I would love to erase clothes from the face of the earth. Forget the washing part, and consider the fact that clothes have the ability to fool the eye into seeing beauty where there is none. Seriously, pretend you have x-ray vision and look very carefully at the people around you right now! You will discover that that woman with a really tiny waist is in a corset. And the guy with really broad shoulders is broad all over!

Living without clothes would prompt people to take better care of their bodies. Plus you would be able to assess what you were getting. The second part would probably be most helpful to those guys who seem prone to date ‘girls’ who end up having a penis! Seeing as this would not be acceptable to all, how about we live in underwear?! Only, of course now it wouldn’t be UNDERwear now would it? Visualise with me. Step out into the street. Look around and see all those people walking around. Now close your eyes and go to a world where people only wear panties and bras and boxers and all that. Leave the flying cars out of the picture. Now open your eyes and look at the people again. Do you see what I see? That guy coming your way in Mickey Mouse boxer shorts? That woman walking with him in a push up bra, lacy panties and gutters holding up her thigh-high stockings? That hottie crossing the road in a thong? That buffed up guy in a tight vest and tiny briefs? The fat guy in huge boxer shorts eating a hot dog? The waitress across the road in a short silk and lace petticoat and an apron? The taxi driver loading the boot in tidy whities? The woman entering the taxi in a 34DD bra and granny undies? Your hot boss in a black lace bra and black lace boy shorts? Or if he’s a guy, in cosy tight boxers? And when you get home and you find your wife in the kitchen making dinner in nothing but a tiny silk petticoat? Or your husband fixing your car in boxers? Yeah, welcome to my world.

Only problem with this is that we would all be walking around in a constant state of arousal. No work would get done. People would be having A LOT of careless sex, condom companies would rule the world markets, and very many people would die of AIDS! But then again, wouldn’t we be used to it? You know how we are used to seeing people in clothes? Isn’t that how we would see this? Wouldn’t living in underwear be the norm? Wouldn’t our psychology have evolved enough to allow us to look at a person we deem sexually attractive and be able to hold in our desire? Like we do now? I don’t think so! How do you think there are so many people in the world? I mean, no matter where you believe humans came from, didn’t it all start with a couple of people running around naked? And didn’t that result in over a gazillion people on the face of the earth? Then along the way someone covered themselves, the rest followed suit and family planning was achieved! Can you imagine how many people would exist? I dare say the likes of Mars and Jupiter would be in vacation catalogues.

So then all we can do is buy really sexy underwear and wear it under other clothes. That’s why I love my underwear. Anyone can see and like my jeans or my new top, but no one knows that am wearing black underwear. Or red. Or white. What you can be sure of is that it is utterly sexy! I mean how else would I get to wear provocative clothing without provoking anyone? And I’m not the only one. If you owned glasses that saw through clothing, you would be surprised at what people wear. Do you really think Mama Shiru doesn’t wear lace? Or that watchie who never smiles only wears tidy whities? Yeah, dream on! Here’s the thing, people love to fill good and looking good has the ability to make you feel good. So even if what you wear on the outside is not really nice, who says what you wear on the inside has to be equally bad? So you have to wear a really nasty looking uniform to go to work, on the inside put on lacy panties, a push up bra that would make Tyra Banks’ boobs look like mosquito bites, find a beautiful shoe and put them on. Do your hair and make up and what not. Look in the mirror. See how hot you look? Good, now put on the nasty uniform and do not look in the mirror. Go to work. How do you feel? Once upon a time I had a room mate who told me that the only reason I felt so comfortable prancing around in my underwear is because I had a perfect body. Well, I don’t. I just like the feeling of freedom having no clothes on gives me. It’s a beautiful feeling. The underwear helps. I would readily give up my clothes but not my underwear.

If my underwear could read, this what my love letter to them would say:

Darling Underwear,

I love you. I love you because you are down right sexy. I love you because when I wear you, you make me look like a goddess. I love you ‘cause I have entrusted you with the most intimate parts of me and you have taken care of them. I love you because you are for ever clean. I love you because you are always there when I need you and are not jealous of one another. I love you because the thought of you during my boring days makes me smile. I love you because you do not nag. I love you because you come in different colours even though I prefer black. I love you because you hold onto me tight and don’t let go. I love you because you make me feel happy, safe, confident and beautiful. My dear underwear, I love you with all my heart and body.

XOXOXO.

Yours forever,

Afra.

There would probably be more graphic things in it but in the spirit of maintaining my good-but-nuts image, I’ll leave it at that. What would yours say? If it is no where near mine, you need to go shopping for underwear! Cheers.

© afra njoki