I shouldn’t have watched all that porn. Now I’m so horny and I don’t have an outlet. Girlfriend is out of town and my plan B’s are unavailable. Desperate times call for desperate measures so I’ve decided to call this chick that has been after me for months but since college women are not my thing I’ve been largely ignoring her. She lives with her parents, another turn-off, but I’m headed there anyway. Today will be her lucky day. When I get there, she opens the door eagerly and I’m ushered to her bedroom in a beat. She’s a woman in need, this one. Her clothes disappear like magic. She helps me out of mine. As she is giving me special attention, there’s a knock at the door. She peeks from the window. It’s her Father. She frantically puts her clothes on and hurries off after instructing me to hide. Daddy suspects something is up since she took time before she opened the door. He comes straight into her room, searches the closet and peeks under the bed. Obvious places. He doesn’t realize I’ve been in this sort of situation before. The house is on the third floor hence no back door for a quick getaway, just my luck. I manage to cling onto a metal bar underneath the balcony not daring to look down. Daddy sees nothing but air when he peers out. I must be getting good at this. He retires to his room after a while. I leave in a hurry.

Now I’m back to square one. I make desperate call number two. She is married, he travels a lot. Normally I don’t do married but beggars can’t be choosers. She scares me. Word on the street is that she’s a man eater. I probably shouldn’t do this but then what choice to do I have. It turns out that she has a flat just for this sort of thing. She must do this a lot. It’s a bit far (on the other side of the town). I contemplate not going but I change my mind. I get there. She opens. She’s looking at me like she’s ready to pounce. Her sheer see through gown gets my heart pounding. We go to the bedroom and there are handcuffs on the night stand. “What have i gotten myself into?” I wonder. The gown goes, she has nothing underneath. She takes off my shirt in between kisses. We get onto the bed. She suggests I give her head. As I’m obliging, there’s a loud knock at the door. I stop. She insists I go on. Whoever it is, doesn’t give up easily. The knocking continues and it’s even louder. I stop again. She goes to the door. It’s a he and from his tone of voice, I can tell that he is very unhappy. They start arguing. The voices get closer and all of a sudden they are in the bedroom. He is her lover I assume because he takes one look at me and the arguing gets even louder. She is unperturbed. I am though. He’s a big fellow. He could do a lot of damage if he decided to get physical. I don’t need this. I put on my shirt and I leave amid cries of “don’t go” from her.

Twice unlucky. That can’t be a coincidence. I give up and head to my house. On the way I meet my ex, I haven’t seen her since our breakup. It was really nasty. She is looking good. She talks to me, I’m surprised. She wants us to go somewhere and talk. I see a chance, so I suggest my place. We get there. She removes her coat. She has a nice top on that reveals her cleavage. Yummy. I can’t help but remember the good times we shared in bed. I get turned on. I bring her a drink and we talk. The break-up, life after that, the future etc. She’s not seeing anyone. She knows I’m dating. She looks at me, seemingly lost, smiles then moves closer and kisses me. I like the way things are progressing. She takes her top off. No bra. The twins look good as ever. I want to take this somewhere else but she insists the couch is fine. Someone is knocking. Bad sign. I ask her to go to the bedroom as I don’t want her to get dressed. I open and it’s my girlfriend’s closest pal. Now what could she possibly want. She doesn’t want to come in but she wants to talk and it’s urgent. She’s the serious sort plus something tells me not to argue so I close the door and follow her. She lives in my building, a few flights up. We are here. “What do you think you are doing”, she asks. So she knows. I ask for a glass of water as I consider what to say. It turns out she has reliable information that my ex was having an affair with a married man and now she is pregnant. She was promptly dumped when he found out. So that’s why she was so eager to go to my house. She is cunning, I’ll give her that. The friend gives me a strange look and lets me know me that she understands my predicament now that girlfriend is not around but she maintains that I shouldn’t take un-necessary risks and that if it is that bad she can gladly help me out. I’m shocked. I swallow through the wrong pipe. After I compose myself I just move to where she is and kiss her. No further words are necessary. We get right into it. I am not disappointed in the least; it’s all that and more. I am going back to my house now. I don’t know what I’ll tell my ex but I’ll think of something. This has been one hell of a day.

© wamathai warugongo 2009