YOUR bitterness reaches into me in threadlike waves…
feeling around in my mind like antennae,
seeking out the weakness and fear,
poking and prodding in fierce decision.
how can i battle an evil that rings such truth?
truth that lies beneath the scab of my seemingly fresh wounds,
wounds once gaping,tearing my insides with the intensity of their pain.
u seek to open them anew,
awaken the void beneath them so it my swallow me whole
and regurgitate me covered in bitterness and hate.
bring back what i once was..
throw away years of patchwork and seasons of shedding,
even more seasons of re-layering,
adorning myself in layer upon layer of a stable fascade.
isn’t it enough that no one can see me through all the murk?
isn’t it enough that no one wants to?
that they are afraid of what they might find?

YOUR bitterness reaches into me in threadlike waves..
weaving in and out of my subconscious,
leaving wispy emotion evoking thoughts in their wake,
thoughts and emotions that bring me to the point of ripping the scabs off myself.
the void may destroy me but in the chaos there is calm.
calm that comes once you accept the inevitable.
it should be enough to exist!
it should be enough not to expect too much!
to be foolish enough to want a life free of demons!

YOUR bitterness reaches into me in threadlike waves..
bringing with it the crispy irony of my life,
a life tormented by its protectors.
those who are meant to be my haven are my boogie men,
hiding in the depths of my psyche,
waiting for the quiet.
i have no where to run,
there is nothing for me to do,
no cure for what ails me.
my hope lies in the fight!
fight to ward off your evil,
fight to keep my cowardice in check,
fight for the wounds to heal permanently.
that will have to be enough.

© kylie kiunguyu