It seems that no matter how
hard I tried not to hurt you,
I hurt you all the more.
Every tear you shed for me,
Broke me in two,
For I could not stand to see your tears;
An incessant reminder of what I’d done.
You may have said your goodbyes,
But as for me,
I know this is not the end.

We never promised each other much,
You and I,
But the little we did, I broke;
And this is killing me inside,
Slowly gnawing at my conscience; at me.
I have become one with my guilt;
It in me, and I in it.
My reflection betrays me,
All I see is you staring back at me;
The same sparkling eyes I loved,
Stained by tears of hurt and pain;
The same smile I loved;
Twisted and contorted, as you battled within;
The same sensual lips I tasted,
Now salty and bitter in remorse;
The same you i loved,
Yet hurt so bad.

In this life I have made mistakes,
I am only human anyway;
But this; this I cannot explain.
I do not know even where to begin.
To make you cry, to cause you that much pain;
I cannot forgive myself.
Your gift to me,
Was more than just love.
More than just friendship,
More than just about you,
Or more than just about me,
But rather of us both
And what we shared,
And I let it all go.

The road ahead is vague and unsure,
I revel in my yesterday,
In my memories of long ago,
In times I spent with you;
And of the heartache I had caused.
And it saddens me all the more,
That you’ll never know of how I really I feel,
As the courage to tell you this fails me,
And so I write this ode of tears in my heart;
Hoping that someday,
It will find its way to you.

© Brian Kamara 2009