I’m Not Fine Wamathai

My day and my nights
Are one and eternal
Without you by my side

To show me the sunrise,
The midday sun and the sunset
To shelter me from the hot sun
And to show me constellations

When I ran into you yesterday
And through the small talk
I told you that I am surviving
That I was doing wonderfully
And that I couldn’t be better

I lied, I lied to you
I’m not doing that great
Without you in my life

Suitors have come and gone
But none of them
Tickle my fancy like you did

You made me laugh with joy
Smile for no good reason
I felt beautiful and happy
I was always happy

I wish you had felt the same
Or at least told me that you didn’t
And that there was a problem
Instead of cheating on me.

I wanted revenge
For hurting me so badly
But my heart wouldn’t let me
I cried bitter tears for you
Something I swore never to do

But as time went by
I discovered that
My bitterness, an indifference
Were all but a mask
Hiding my loneliness

I miss you so much
I want you back
I need you so badly

But my pride wont let me
Won’t let me beg you
Beg you to come back
And be mine once more

Every time I see you
I have to force a smile
Every time we chat
I have to pretend I’ve moved on
I can’t do this any more

I can’t keep up with the lies
Or pretending that I’m fine
When I’m not, I’m not fine.