Nancy’s Prayers

Every morning, Nancy would get out her Rosary and say her prayers. It began in the same way each time, “Dear Lord, I am a woman, weak in all ways. My mind, body and spirit have failed to meet your expectations. I have wronged you in so many ways, but I do it for love…” She called it a woman’s prayer, full of hope and dreams to be loved, full of repentance for the wrongs committed. She had been saying this prayer for years, the only thing that changed were the names of the people mentioned in it

It all started when she was 19, when her step-brother came into her room. Being 12 years older than her, he had been protective of her from day one. When boys got to close, he would scare them off. Her friends envied the attention he gave her. She was scared of him, but she couldn’t say why. He only came to her room once that was all it took for her life to change.

She had not seen her family since that fateful day; they had abandoned her in her time of need. When she came out claiming rape, she was termed the family slut. Her mother kicked her out; she couldn’t let a lying slut ruin her marriage. He only smiled and said if she had kept quiet and enjoyed it, she would have a home. Cold and angry at the world, her prayers began. 9 months later she safely delivered twin daughters. She vowed to protect them with her life.

If only her step-brother had stayed away from her. He hounded her day after day. She could see how he looked at her daughters like some delicious piece of cake. She prayed to God to give her a way out. When his body was found in alley with stab wounds, she had only smiled and gone on her knees and said “Dear Lord, you know I only did it to protect my daughters and other girls. The world is a safer place now.”

Saying her life was perfect would be far from the truth. She had loving daughters and a great job, but she was looking for love. And she knew just where to get it, her boss. But he was married. So she did what she knew best, got on her knees and spoke to her Father in Heaven. When months later her boss’s wife was reported as having hanging herself, God had answered her prayers one more time. She smiled secretly again, and thought of her secrets, the secrets of a woman.

Her life was finally on track, her daughters had a father and she had the man of her dreams. But still she was not content. Something was wrong with one of her daughters, Maggie. She was walking funny and avoided her step-father at all costs. When she noticed him sneaking into her room that night, she knew history was repeating herself, her child the product of a rape, was being raped.

Filled with anger and hatred for this man she loved, she got on her knees. She was heartbroken that he could touch her daughter in that way. Why did God let this happen? She watches as he heads out to work, smiling at her like nothing is wrong. As she kneels asking God for guidance she spots the cyanide on the shelf. She lets out her cunning smile again and whispers one last prayer, “Thank you Lord for answering my prayer. I promise this will be the last time…”