Only the photo made sense to him. It was tucked behind the flowers that had been neatly arranged on top of the casket. It was his favourite photo, this one. He had it taken on the night he proposed and it was the look on her face as she said yes. It showed her best smile and it was what he saw before he slept and what he woke up to every morning. He remembered the moments that followed the proposal. He saw himself holding her into his arms like he’d always done before they parted but this time he felt the warmth of a new beginning. He heard her voice excitedly planning how their lives would unfold. He stroked her hair as they sat on the couch on her front porch and they shared their dreams and secrets. He told her he loved her and she said she loved him too. Then he remembered saying that he would die for her and she joked that there would not be need since she was not going to die soon. Now it had happened and he had a promise to fulfill. Death awaited him but he wanted to look at that smile again and relive the beautiful memories…

A nudge from the guy next to him interrupted his reverie. It was time to view the body and say the final goodbyes and he was needed to go first since he had been closest to the deceased at the time of her death. He checked the time from the watch on his wrist. It was 10 minutes to 10 and he heaved a deep sigh as he stood and walked to the casket. He knew that he would not view her body but he needed to buy time before the clock ticked 10 and the gunshot was fired. He wanted the last memory of her to be that of life; that of when he last saw her full of health. It would give him a sense of consolation and affirm his wish to die for her. He knew this was what he wanted and the six days before the burial had been enough time for him to prepare. He wanted to join her in death and fulfill his vow to her that he’d always be by her side. Even in death he wished to be next to her.

All attention was focused on him and many obviously prayed that God would give him strength to live without his fiancé. He took his time, occasionally making stops to hug a relative or friend. He stared at the photo and gently stroked the flowers in a bid to distract himself from her face. Just when people began to get impatient, he took the cover off her face and closed his eyes.

“This isn’t goodbye, dearie.” He said, as soon as the clock ticked 10, and a bullet went through the back of his head. It surely was not goodbye.