A response to David Jewell’s “Delusion Angel”

daydream delusion
limousine eyelash
oh baby with your pretty face
drop a tear in my wine glass
look at those big eyes on your face
see what you mean to me
sweet cakes and milk shakes
I’m a delusion angel
I’m a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
don’t want you to guess anymore
you have no idea where I came from
we have no idea where we’re going
lodged in life like two branches in a river
caught in the current
flowing downstream
I’ll carry you
you carry me
that’s how it could be
don’t you know me
don’t you know me by now…

I dipped my quill in the ink pot
to write this note to you
I want this to leave a mark on your soul
like you once did on mine, many years ago
words have never been enough to express what I feel
what I still feel
I have tried, curse my humanity
to show you in little things, where my heart
and my mind, are
Because you made me feel different
You made me different, in spite of myself
in spite of my weaknesses
In spite of these circumstances, oh, curse these sentences
It’s a battle
It’s a difficult battle keeping the tears from rolling down
my eyelids
It’s a difficult battle choosing between what I want and need
It’s a difficult battle choosing what I need

daydream delusion…

you were once my fantasy
I read your words every single day and thought about what could be
I outlined the beauty of your sexuality in every pun
the nerve endings on your brain cells responsible for the mirth in
your words
I longed for them and I longed for you

drop a tear in my wine glass…

An invitation I responded to slowly
you see, you came around when I least expected it, when I didn’t need you
Slowly you worked your way into my heart and mind like no one else did
you became an important part of my existence
your DNA outlining the walls of my vagina constantly stays fresh
you’ve left your soul with me
and now it has become a part of me

look at those big eyes on your face
see what you mean to me…

You always tell me how beautiful my eyes are
and how I need no make-up on
I’d blush crimson and you’d never notice
You have a way with words and you had your way with me
you gave yourself to me
you tell me I’m sexy and I know it
I’d laugh my ass off and sigh because I believe you

I’m a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
don’t want you to guess anymore…

I want you inside me, but I want you in my head even more
I want us to share mental stories, and let your laughs end
where my sighs begin
Tell me you need me, convince me, curse the monotony
burn it to the ground
I love my humanity but I’m scared of it
scared because of the cluster of emotions I now feel
I’m at war with my past and raging passions
others after my heart, especially by the ones marked by
these pictures

you have no idea where I came from
we have no idea where we’re going…

We have no idea what the future holds
The strength of my now is weak compared to what the future expects
We don’t know where this will end
“Let’s see where this takes us” you said that day on the ferris wheel
your hands linked in mine,
let’s have a go

lodged in life like two branches in a river
caught in the current
flowing downstream
I’ll carry you
you carry me…

You keep coming after me because you want me
making magic with your fingers, with your words
and each time you catch my attention
I hate my humanity,
I hate the valley of destruction it plunges me to
the vortex it sucks me in
I should want you, I should need you
We’re tossed back and forth by life like waves at high tide
I’m drowning, please save me

I’ll carry you
you carry me…

Come after me like you once did
carry me, bring me back, I promise to respond
But no promises
that’s what life has taught me
My humanity tells me lies

don’t you know me
don’t you know me by now…

Do you really?
Do you really know me?
I’m lost and confused,
please find me

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