We write this open letter
To affirm our support for the Government
People say things could be better
The media deplore and lament
They say that things are terrible
And that change needs to come quicker –
But we, the undertakers,
Politely beg to differ.

Business is at an all-time high
Recession’s a word we’ve never heard
Indeed, we’ve been forced – by demand – to buy
More land to use for graveyards
They say the economy is failing
They speak of long unemployment lines
But we, the undertakers
Think the economy’s just fine.

They say the roads are death-traps
And revenue discrepancies
Lead to Health Department budget cuts
Lowering life expectancy
They call for fresh Elections
They say the work you do is shoddy
But we, the undertakers
Will vote for you in a body.

But we like nothing better
Than when you go to war
We support you, no matter
What you are fighting for.
They say that you are Murderers,
That you should face a jury –
But we, the undertakers,
Just shrug, and sigh, and bury.

So, despite their demonstrations
And all that the waving placards are saying
We, and the necromancers
Really cannot complain.
So in appreciation, dear Minister
When the horse of life you must dismount,
We, the undertakers
Shall give a very good discount.