Her affectionate touch and endless warmth
Gave me some reason to smile
I wasn’t really interested
But the opportunity came knocking
And I had to grab it quickly

It was quiet a strange feeling
But I chose to hide it in me
Because I wanted to surprise her
And she was the jewel in the river

After weekends of carousals
And hugs that buried me in her heart
I had finally built my world around her

Then the bombshell
She was carrying my seed
Germinating inside herself

My mind went berserk
And out of sense I became
Oozing hatred and guilt
For wading through the forbidden fruit
Whose mother was mine too!!!

© mburu kamau

Sometimes love is complicated sometimes it’s simple

Sometime we give it our all and all else fails

Sometimes someone loves us but we can never love them the way they do

Sometimes we love someone but they can never love us the way we do

Sometimes we find true love but we are often caught up in our drama and we let it go

Sometimes we realize when it’s too late to have it back

Sometimes we just have to hold on even if we feel like letting go

© emmah wanjiru

smile
kiss
breath, you, in…
musky, woody, scent
breath, you, in…
i find heaven between your neck and shoulder

trickling down the arc of my back
blowing through the folds of my ear lobe
sweat
hot air
in that order

the wetness, let it pour
salty, sticky
this
sex funk

breathe, you, in…
the oil i put in your hair
the chap stick on your lips
the cologne you spray between your neck and shoulder
i truly find heaven between your neck and shoulder
the spot at the back of your neck,
where
when i touch, you shudder

breath, you, in…
musky, woody, scent

your chest, your core
so much than the physical
your heart beats for me and you
your hands, keepers of my heart
your finger tips…
“i can’t breathe”
your finger tips

that butt!
hahaha!
those legs,
those legs and those feet,
that bring you to me
every time
last month and week,
yesterday and tomorrow,
those legs that find their way to me

“look at me”
breath, you, in…
musky, woody, scent

the wetness
let it pour
salty, sticky
this
sex
funk

kindred spirits
sex on fire

i find heaven, between your neck and shoulder.

© Wairema Mathenge.

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I woke up rather frozen and shaken
The whole night was full of ecstasy
Coupled with bizarre twists, turns
And acrid sweat

My stomach felt heavy
As my back ached
My head couldn’t resonate well

I laid there in the sheets
Though felt cold and naked

The room was all dingy and scary
With brown bottles strewn all over
The place and looked like hell on earth

I reminisced what took place over night
And shed a golden tear
My dignity had been taken away
Because I was pushed to the wall
By lack of basic needs, at my family’s

And since it has come,
This is my office,
From now on.

© mburu kamau

It’s sad when you in a relationship
Based on fear of finding love.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
That’s failing but you will not let go.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
Based on lies and deceit.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
That makes you hate yourself.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
Based on self doubt and denial.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
That’s slowly killing your heart.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
Based on dangerous secrets.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
That’s slowly poisoning your soul.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
Based on a burning flame of anger.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
That’s hindering your ability to feel.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
Based on a desire to escape.

It’s sad when you n a relationship
That’s distorting your ability to see.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
Based on complex and mixed feelings.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
That’s clouding your judgement.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
Based on a changing tide.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
That’s taking you away from your dreams.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
Based on an unwelcome friendship.

It’s sad when you in a relationship
That’s hurting you yet you can’t leave…

© bridget mutua

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I see you
I see you, brother
I see you… With your muscular frame, and your toned body, and your brown eyes
those eyes that seem to see through the shell that is my body to my spirit
those eyes that seem to see through my flesh to my soul
those eyes that seem to read my thoughts and my fears and my desires and my hopes and my dreams…

I see you
I see you, brother
I see you and that smile…
that smile has got me melting to the ground ever so slowly
it’s got me wanting you so badly
your smile has me gasping and sighing and thanking and praising God!
for creating something so soothing and so moving
it’s got me thinking of ‘we’ and not just ‘you’ and ‘me’…

I see you
I see you, brother
I see you and those lips
they have me running and tripping and sliding and falling for you so deeply
Those lips, what is it about those lips that…
Seem to be controlling my heart beat and my hormones and my adrenaline and my emotions…
your lips have got me licking mine and thinking of how it would be worth my while if i got to have just a little time, with those lips…
They’ve got me thinking of bodies clinging and heavy breathing and sweat trickling and me almost screaming…

I see you
I see you, brother
I see you and that skin
that skin that’s got me wanting you to be my African King
that skin that’s got me wanting to be part of your kin-ship
that skin that’s got me wanting more than friend-ship
that skin that’s got me thinking of me and you having relations…
Or maybe, being in a relation-ship
that skin that’s got me craving your touch
yours is skin that got me wanting maybe too much
it’s got me wanting you… And then some
more… Of… You…

I see you
I see you, brother
I see you, watching me…
What do you see?

© Wairema Mathenge.

(Continued from here)

I tried. I swear I did! I tried. For all those out there who had their fingers crossed for me, I swear on my fat little toe that I tried. And I come back from this brave little voyage burned! A smoking piece of sweet ass! I got burnt so bad I need to be put in an urn! For those who have no idea what am yapping about, I crashed and BURNED!

Here’s what happened. I decided to start by learning something, or a few things, about my crush. So how does one do this best? By observation of course. So I started observing him closer than usual. I learnt that he likes green. I learnt that he loves taking his food with an amount of salt that usually causes trouble somewhere down the line. I learnt that he is an instigator. That is, he starts trouble then sits back and watches what happens afterwards with a smile on his face, occasionally stoking the fire. Luckily all he instigates are rather interesting arguments. I learnt he hates having the spotlight on him. I learnt he is not a fan of football to the point of being pathetic like many men today. I learnt that he is an observer because as I was observing him, he was observing me and those around me. But by far the most interesting thing I learnt about him was that he has a girlfriend! Oh yeah, girlfriend! Do you feel the burn?

This is usually the part where we ladies get all nasty and start sounding dirtier than the Dandora dumping site while we plot how to get her out of the picture. I will not do that because I feel none of what fuels such behaviour. I am a stupidly happy person. Very few things get me down. I don’t let feelings of the negative nature stay long in me. I kick them out with a careless laugh about absolutely nothing. Seriously, I just laugh. By the time am done, am stupidly happy again. Try it. It definitely beats food, alcohol and shaving her hair off. Besides, how could I not like her? I don’t know her very well, but I know a few things about her. To start with, she is simply and absolutely beautiful. How could I hate a beautiful woman? She smiles a lot for no reason – I like that, especially because I do it too. She has one hell of a dress sense! But mostly, she is a really nice girl. She is also a really lucky girl to have my crash as her man. Feel how badly the burning is?

So now there arise a number of other questions. How the hell did I miss the girl? Did I see her and refuse to believe my eyes? Was I misunderstanding his ‘signals’? Was I seeing what I wanted to see? If I did not mistake the ‘signals’ (which am fairly sure I did not) was he playing some sort of game with me? If he was playing games with me, does he not care for that lovely girl? What does that say about him? Most importantly, why does he still stare at me like that? How on earth do I get this guy out of my head? And why can’t I still look him in the eye? Anyone feel the lemon juice pouring over my burns?

So I’ve been mulling about it in my head over and over again. I have the answers and a few theories, and more questions that I cannot answer. I didn’t miss the girl – she had taken a self imposed break for a couple of weeks. Don’t you just love college? I did not misunderstand his signals, he was interested in me (truth). As a matter of fact, he still is. Otherwise he would not still be staring at me with such smouldering eyes. He would not still look at me as if he was looking into me instead of at me. He would not make people around us start arguing so that he could sit there and watch me. He would also not wait for his girl to leave to start making me absolutely uncomfortable. Oh he’s interested in me. I’m just not sure why (unanswered question). My crush cares for his girl, of this am sure. Otherwise, he is a really good actor. So is he playing games? I think so. I think am a pawn in his little game and so is his lovely girlfriend (theory). What does this say about him? He is a man (perfect answer). Why can’t I still look into his eyes for more than countable seconds? I don’t like what they make me see and feel. His eyes make me uncomfortable because they ask hard questions. And give answers I don’t want to hear. And show me possibilities I am not ready for. And actualities that are down right scary. I don’t like what I see in them. But it also troubles me that MY eyes might be showing him the same things. Otherwise why would he keep looking into them like that? This leads me to more unanswered questions. What the hell is going on here? What is this? Is this more than a college crash or am I blowing things WAY out of proportion?

Now here comes the toughest question. How do I get him out of my head? The doctor in me has the prefect remedy. Prescription number one is to feign ignorance. I will take a daily dose of ‘Ability to Ignore Shit!’ three times a day – or as many times as I deem necessary. I am the doctor after all. Prescription number two is to get friendly with the girlfriend so I’ll have the strength to ignore HER (buuuuurn!) boyfriend. Prescription number three is by far the best and I intend to have a full Coca Cola truck load of fun with it. Seeing as we are breaking from school in the next few days, I am going to go out and have myself a couple of flings! Flings riddled with careless fun! Flings with the headline NSA (No Strings Attached)! Flings packed with a whole lot of NSA sex! So much sex it bores me! Who else likes prescription three as much as I do? By the time we get back to school, I won’t even remember he exists! He will also probably have forgotten all about me.
This is why I prefer crushing on people who do not know I exist and never will. Girl crushes are even better because they never amount to anything but friendship. A good crush is where you both like each other, none of you are attached, you get together, the fire dies down slowly, you agree to break up and remain kind-of-friends. A bad crush is where you both seem to like each other but either one of you is attached or both of you are attached. But by far the worst crush, and thank God this is not what is going on with me-although I can’t be sure, is where one of you has a crush and the other person is right there but has absolutely no interest in you. Ouch. Anyway, am sure my self-prescribed medication will work to treat my burn. If it doesn’t, God help me………

© afra njoki

In your holy place
Where you tell Him your heart’s desires,
There are angels there,
Waiting for His every command,
To act on your wishes
There I stand with them,
For this you have done for me.

© shikoh gitonga

Edwin was quiet,unassuming and possibly the most handsome boy that she had ever seen. They lived in the same neighbourhood and also attended the same college but they had never spoken. He did not seem to notice her which she found odd since she considered herself to be beautiful and intelligent which made men give her attention everywhere she went. Edwin was an enigma and she was extremely curious about him. He talked to other girls but the word around school was that he never made the first move. He would make the best boyfriend as according to her sources he had never dated anyone in their school. She hated going out with a schoolmate’s ex as she believed that she had an image to protect. She wanted to talk and to get to know to him badly but her pride stood in the way. She couldn’t bring herself to make the first move as much as she wanted to. She at last came up with a way to make his acquaintance but using indirect means. She decided to organize a party on the weekend that her parents planned to travel upcountry and then have someone request him to attend. She approached Sophie, one of the girls that he talked to whom she knew and asked her to invite him. When she asked him he said no because apparently he had other plans. When it became apparent that he wasn’t going to attend she thought about cancelling the party but it was too late as people had already been invited and since everything was in place she chose to go ahead with it Who knows, it might turn out to be fun even though Edwin wouldn’t be there. Two days to the party Edwin called Sophie and informed her that his earlier plans had fallen through and that he would make it to the party after all. She would have loved to know what influenced the change of heart but he was coming to her party and that’s what mattered.

Emily was beautiful and she knew it. He could tell that she was used to getting a certain type of reaction from men and it bothered her the few times that did not happen. He had heard from the grapevine that she was spoiled and arrogant. She was the kind of girl that he stayed away from and so he did just that. He had seen her a couple of times discretely checking him out and he suspected that she liked him. He also suspected that the fact that he did not seem to notice her was part of the reason she was attracted to him. He preferred dating older women though he sometimes made exceptions. Emily wouldn’t be one of the exceptions but Mary sure would. They met randomly in a matatu while he was on his way home. It was 2 in the afternoon and normally he would be in school but one of his classes had been cancelled. The matatus were charging half price as they usually do at that time and she only had a Kshs. 1,000 note on her and when she gave it to the conductor he harshly told her that he didn’t have change. He added that if she didn’t have any small bills then she would have to alight before she reached her destination. When Edwin, who was seated behind her and could hear everything, realized that the conductor was serious he offered to pay on her behalf. The conductor took his money and left her alone. She turned at this point, smiled and then thanked him. He got so taken aback by her beauty that when he tried to say something all that came out was a mumble. She smiled even wider and he smiled back. She looked away leaving him to his thoughts. He felt like kicking himself because of his inability to say something constructive. He did not normally behave like that around women but then again not all of them had such big beautiful eyes. They alighted at the same bus stop which was a surprise albeit a nice one. He would get a second chance to speak to her. She waited for him and when he got to her she introduced herself and thanked him again.

Mary was unlike any other girl her age that he had met. Most of them acted all coy around him and any conversation was mainly centred around them. She looked at him straight in the eye when she spoke and when she asked him questions about himself she waited patiently while he answered. She also told him a bit about herself though after a bit of hesitation. She did not like talking about herself but she obliged him since he had been so nice to her. It turned out that she was a part time student at a college in town and she also had a part time job which financed her education as she came from a poor family. They exchanged numbers before parting ways. They communicated through the phone for some time after that. There had been no chance meetings or arranged ones as their schedules clashed. Edwin called and asked if he could see her on Saturday. He assumed that she would be free. They couldn’t meet and when he tried to ask why, she avoided the question. It bothered him that she did not trust him enough to tell him the truth and he sent her a text message saying just that. She replied saying that trust wasn’t the issue and that if he found out the truth then would change things between them and not for the better. He replied pleading with her to tell him whatever it was. She called at that point and told him. Her part time job as she had called it was as a maid and the only free time that she had was 7 hours on weekdays which she used to attend school. He was both stunned and impressed by the news. He would have never in a million years guessed that that was her job or that someone in that profession would have a quest to get ahead. Most of them seemed content with either remaining in their profession for years or getting married. She wanted to explain further but he stopped her, he understood everything now and there was no need for her to continue. Out of curiousity he asked whom she worked for and it turned out to be Emily’s parents.

The very next day he called Sophie and informed her that he would be present at Emily’s party after all. He had declined to attend at first because the idea of being in close quarters with Emily did not exactly appeal to him but now things had changed. He would go to the party but only because there was a chance that he would see and maybe talk to Mary.

© wamathai warugongo

(Continued here)

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To my dear unborn baby
I write you this letter
At a very low point
In what i call my life

I love you beyond limits
And nothing will change that
And i need you to know
That i have always loved you

Even when you were
But a distant thought
In the vast corners
Of my heart and mind

You hold a piece of me
A piece of my heart
That no one wil ever hold
Or come close to

I would gladly go to war
And take on a legion
Or more soldiers for you
I want you to know this

I also want you to know
That my greatest fear
From this point in life
Is letting you down

I am trying my best
To be the best mother
And teacher to you
And not to fail you

Doubts are creeping in
And i think i am failing
To live to your expectations
I can’t handle that

You are not a book
Or a page in a book
That a mistake can be erased
And all will be well

Any mistake that i make
Will leave you with scars
And haunt you always
I can’t live with that..
I love you so much
My mind orders me
To give you a chance
For a much better life

In the care of a stranger
A better mother…
But i don’t think i can…
I know i can’t

This will be hard
We are embarking on
A very long journey
That only time will

I know you will shine
Because a part of you
Is a part of me
And are united as one

They give you strenght
Stability and comfort
Yoy are me as i am you
And i will always love you

At times it may not show
But that does not mean
That i stopped loving
The one keeping me alive

I still don’t believe
That i am the perfect
Mother to raise you
Let alone give you life

But who am i
To deny you a chance
To live a full life?
What right do i have?

My doubts are many
And well placed
But i wil not fail you
I will do my best

To give you a good life
To protect and shield you
To love you no matter what
To be your support system

My dear unborn child,
No matter what i say
Or do as you grow up
Remember my love for you.

© bridget mutua